A Testimony By Sze Hwee
The darkest period of my life was when I was 15-16 years old in Secondary 3 and 4. I was a very negative person and carried many insecurities. I was always self-conscious about how others perceived me, and my worth depended on what people said about me. I strived to appear fun and happy to earn the acceptance of others.
One day, a classmate said to me, "Do you know that Jiali (a classmate) doesn’t use vulgarities at all?" That caught my attention because cursing and swearing was part of my daily vocabulary!
Out of curiosity, I asked her why, and she simply said, "Oh, because I’m Christian." This piqued my interest because I had never heard of someone’s faith influencing the way they lived their life.
Not long after, I heard the gospel for the first time at a church service she invited me to. I learnt how sin entered the world and how Jesus died for our sins because He loves us.
When I got home, I wondered: Is God real? Or is everyone in church delusional?
If God really existed, my entire life would be turned upside down! My life would be so different if I accepted this as a fact.
The idea of this God being real was scary—it went against everything I knew about life.
I didn’t want to give up my lifestyle and perspectives. I wanted to live for myself without any regard for anything else!
I started reading the Bible to pick out verses that disproved God’s love and existence. I watched videos that poked holes in Christianity.
A few months later, Jiali invited me to a Good Friday service. I decided to go one more time, thinking it would bring closure to the debate in my mind. She prayed for me during the service, that whatever was stopping me from knowing Jesus would be taken away.
After that service, I miraculously began approaching Christianity and the Bible with an open mind and heart. I was eager to understand who this God was. I let go of my past fears and pride. I realized that if God is really God, I will never fully fathom how he operates.
Within a week, I gave my life to God and never looked back!
When I accepted Christ, I felt God prompt me to get rid of my ego and pride. It was the very first step that I took to fully surrender my life into God's hands, and is still a journey that I am going through now.
I was caught up with society’s definition of success: good looks, top grades, money, skills. I never realised how much I valued these things until I realised i was comparing myself to others, feeling insecure when others seemed to have it all.
I often questioned myself: Will I ever achieve perfection?
God brought me through a journey of giving me a new identity. As His child, I can trust in Him. I can trust that He has created me uniquely and with purpose. I can trust that He is shaping me wholeheartedly, regardless of the opinions of the world.
It was and still is a tough journey of learning to surrender to God my own desires and ambitions, and trusting Him to know me better than I know myself.
Yet, I have seen how He has been faithful in ordering my steps, showing that His plan for my life was truly better and beyond my own plans.
I accepted Christ with fervency and passion after knowing that a God that loves me exists! On the other hand, I remained faithful to God because I have truly tasted and seen the faithfulness of God. May the Lord continue to anchor me in that unshakeable identity that can never be found outside of Him!